Are we all the same?...

"We all have different desires and needs, but if we don't discover what we want from ourselves and what we stand for, we will live passively and unfulfilled. ~Bill Watterson Recently someone suggested that I read a book about adoption...more specifically about adoptees. The book is titled: The PRIMAL WOUND...Understanding the Adopted Child by Nancy Newton Verrier    I was curious so I ordered it off of Amazon...and I immediately started reading. There are four separate chapters broken down into 16 different sub chapters....222 pages...3 glossary pages...a reference page, suggested reading and of course the about the author page...231 total pages.   This is not a book review...these are my opinions only, but it seems as if my thoughts have been repeating a pattern...as well as this book did for me. This book along with a few others that I have read "lump" all adoptees into the group of having a deep wound from being adopted. It suggests that all adoptees whether the they choose to admit this or not still have it. There has been a lot of conversation about "what does a little baby know anyhow". I will readily admit that when I was pregnant for Gerard, although the first part of that pregnancy was stressful I did love being pregnant. I loved the feel of him growing within me...I would wrap my arms around him and hold him...I would sing to him and do silly dances...I would talk to him and read books to him...OK....So he likes to sing songs and has one for most situations...he likes to do silly little dances and is not embarrassed to do them in public places...he likes to read...and when I wrapped my arms around him when we were reunited it felt natural and right. I also will readily admit that when I was pregnant for my other two children I did the same thing...however...they get embarrassed by me and always have been (especially as children, they would do that eye rolling thing...and go to another isle so no one would know they were with me) when I sing to the music in the store or dance in the isle! Neither of them likes to read...We do have that hugging that we love to do...Hummmmm...3 different children...2 I raised and 1 I did not....go figure! These books somehow seem to suggest that ALL adoptees need to be "healed" in some sort of way. I suggest that we as humans all need to be healed in some sort of way.  I am not suggesting that some adoptees do not have a wound that needs to be healed...I am not suggesting that adoption hasn't played a part in my life (obviously I have written here about it) What I am suggesting: is there one person who can say that they do not hold onto something from their life that has left a hole in their heart? Something that needs to be "healed". These books also suggest that if the adoptee says that they do not have this "wound" that they are fooling themselves...they have a false sense of self and must dig deeper in order to heal. I suggest that if one must "dig" deeper than perhaps there is nothing to dig for...that one has already come to terms, or acceptance in some way and has made "peace" with whatever it is that needed to heal that "wound". We are all responsible for our own happiness...and I will happily not read anymore of these books...I think that in 2011 when I made peace with myself in a small way by saying that I might not meet my son in my life time...I believe I was beginning to let go of the patterns that I had held on to for so long...in 2012 upon reuniting...those patterns resurfaced for me to be acknowledged and let go of....Gerard seems to just flow with life...If he has a "primal wound" I have not seen it...He is grateful to ALL his parents for the part they have played in his wonderful life... Neither of us are either passive or unfulfilled...neither of us were that way before we reunited...Since meeting I do believe that we each know more about ourselves...and we each are just that much happier... We as human beings we ARE responsible for our own happiness... What makes you happy today?