I went on my dream trip to Paris...it was wonderful...everything I had hoped it would be, but it could not compare to the fullness of my heart that I had from being at a small farm in upstate New York. That was paradise...that was a trip I had never allowed myself to think would happen. Spending 4 days with my son and his family...that was priceless.
It was now, only 4 weeks since I had last seen my son and his family ...they were coming to my house to meet the extended family here and a few of my very good friends...The house was prepared for their arrival...new towels for them...a bowl of candy beside the bed (we all love the candy!! especially M & M's!)...party plans were made...food and cake ordered...the house was full of excitement as I awaited their arrival.
My grandson (my daughter's 7 year old) was here with me...he wanted to meet his cousins, so he would be staying for the few days that they were here. If I thought waiting for them was hard for me...he was the one who kept saying..."will they be here soon?"! Timing was a little off as my son had to go to the hospital that morning...working on the farm he had come into contact with something and had broken out in a rash all over his arms...once cleared for not being contagious they were on their way...a little later than anticipated...but they were on their way to the house...in a strange sort of way my son was "coming home"...to the place of his birth...to his biological family...everything was a new territory...we had no road map for which to rely on as to how things "should be"...or how they have played out in the past...this was all new to all of us...this was the first meeting of my son and his biological family...the first meeting of all my children.
They finally all arrived...along with the dog and I was so happy to see their smiling faces...and to once again hug my son. It had been 4 weeks since I had done that...of course in the reality of life this is a short time, but for me it seemed like such a long time, I had this want, no almost a need to be connected to him. I make no excuses for how I was feeling...I had to sit next to him constantly...I had to touch him whenever I could still making sure this was real and he would not disappear...that this was not some sort of dream that I would eventually wake up from.
The party went wonderfully even though we did get a thunder storm in the afternoon. It was a whirlwind for me...making sure everyone was introduced to each other...that they had enough to eat and drink....after everyone left my son took a run...I wonder if this was not his way to settle down after this emotional day...when he returned from his run we sat on the glider together on the front porch...shoulders touching...we sat and just rocked back and forth in silence together. It had been a good day...his maternal biological family gathered around him and welcomed him in with open arms filled with love...the only family members that were not present was my brother and his family (wife and 2 children), as they live in Florida...and my niece (my sisters daughter) and her family (husband and 2 children) as they were out of town.
I was happy...I had all 3 of my children gathered in my home for the first time ever...My heart was full...
Once again it came time for the departure...neither of us handle this part very well...we linger over conversation so that no one has to get in the car...we hug...we hug some more...we tell each other we will see each other soon...we are very lucky, because Gerard's wife saw the trouble we were having once again....she got out her phone and said...we can meet at the farm again in October...that was only 8 weeks away she said...there was a plan in action to ease my heart...I knew I would be seeing them soon...it did not completely take the "abandonment" feeling away...but it did ease it...
When I arrived home I found that my son had left me a card on my bed...It read:
Thank you for keeping me in your heart and then welcoming in my family. Love, Your Son Gerard
August 2012
Here's a poem for my mom, who invited us into her life.
Bring the kids she said, bring the dog, and definitely bring your wife.
There was a nervous call and long easy talks
and finally a teary greeting and then she opened up her home
and the families were meeting.
Now there's joy in Rochester and wherever we go.
For love is growing with each day
as mother and son do know.
I cried...good tears...joyful tears...I was living in the beautiful land of life!
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From your heart to mine!