November blessing...

November is the time of year when you really want to reflect on what it is that you are thankful for. We really do need to be aware of our blessings throughout the entire year...but somehow for a lot of us that comes and goes in spurts depending on our mood.

Everyone who knows me realizes that since 1969 November has not been a month of gratitude for me....not until 2012 when Gerard and I were united again. And yet...this year I fell into a bit of a funk in the beginning of the month. WHY? Why would that happen when all I have ever wanted was to have him in my life...and now he is. So why the funk...why the sadness?

I let myself roll around with the sadness for a while...and then it hit me. Although we are united I was not spending his birthday with him this year. How many birthday candles I have missed...how many celebrations have gone by without me being witness to them. Last year was the first year I was with him since his birth...I shouldn't miss a single one...and yet as his birthday approaches (the 15th) I am here in my home...

So...I sit back....I take a moment or two and completely unlock my heart. I open it up and see what it is that I am really thankful for. I know that my gratitude for life does not have to be HUGE...I know that there are so many small things that are overlooked everyday by me or there are those things that I just take for granted. I know that I have said to myself...IF ONLY...I WISH I HAD...IF I COULD GO BACK AND DO IT OVER...I SHOULD OF...

So today...I unlock my heart...I will do the if only....I will start the wish I had...I will say the things I want to say to those that I love...And I will go forward from here...I will be open to the blessings in my life. I will view a few of them every day. I will let my life and heart open and watch those blessings pile up...

My son and I are united...I know this is a dream come true...and I am truly thankful that I can write this and express how I feel for him...because finally I know him....finally I know his name...finally he is part of my life...

I let the sadness go...