All of us who are members of the adoption triad have our opinions on adoption...some good opinions...some are questionable...What is right? What is wrong?
And along comes Baby Veronica's story...
A birth mother who relinquishes her new born for adoption and a biological father who wants to keep her and the fight begins...Baby Veronica is placed with a couple, who adopt her, for 27 months during this time her biological father is going through the court system to get custody of his daughter. Finally he gets temporary custody,, and the court battles continue. 2 years later she is given back to the adoptive parents...all the while lawyers and courts and judges and media are all over this...OH MY! (all this is done in the name of LOVE for this little girl)
My thoughts just keep going back to why did this father not have the right to keep his daughter in the first place? I believe that ALL children should stay with a biological family member if at all possible...of course I know that there are circumstances where this is not in the best interest of the child...and YES it is all about the child for me.
My son was born in 1969 but it was not until 1970 that the final adoption papers were finalized. It was almost a year after his birth...I was flown to NYC to sign the final papers...The judge asked me if I was being "forced" to do this...NO....was I doing this of my own free will...YES....Do you want to see your son before you sign the final papers...NO...NO...YES....There he was sitting in a room with a young women of the court and he was playing with blocks....he was healthy...he looked happy...
I was already hurting...how could I now hurt him by taking him away from the only family he knew?...how could I hurt his parents by taking away their son? It haunted me for many years....did I make the right decision...42 years later I knew I had.
As for baby Veronica....I don't know...now she has 2 different families, and at 4 years old she is very aware of that...
I hope that they join together to bring this little girl the love of a village!
National Gratitude Day...
Today is National Gratitude Day...a day when we can consciously take a look at all the abundance we have. And YES, I am truly grateful for all that I have and all that I am. It wasn't always completely that way, but I have learned so much about myself these past few years. I have taken time this morning to focus on my gratitude. I am affirming the blessings in my life...
I have been reading a lot about "angry" birth mothers and adoptees...and I will say that I was not aware, for a very long time, that I was actually one of them. I carried that internal anger with me for 42 years...and when it did surface I was not aware that the reason was because of the adoption. I know I have written and written about patterns...but I am so aware of them NOW...I wish in some ways I had always been aware of them...
I am trying to figure out a way to help others in their struggle to find their gratitude for the role they played in the adoption triad...(instead of holding so tightly onto the guilt and the anger of it) I know that we can make a powerful difference in the world if we foster a deep gratitude in our hearts. Gratitude is a powerful tool that can transform our lives...when we focus our thoughts on gratitude we feel energized and motivated to make a difference. I am feeling that is where I am in the present time. I want to reach out to others in an effort to touch their lives in the same positive ways that I have been touched...
I am not sure how to do that yet...but I feel in my heart that by creating a powerful cycle of love and gratitude we will all benefit...and it helps us heal...We let go of the "anger" and we count our blessings from a different place...and by sharing that with others I might just create a positive difference in their lives....
I'm working on it!!
Take a moment and count your blessings today...
I have been reading a lot about "angry" birth mothers and adoptees...and I will say that I was not aware, for a very long time, that I was actually one of them. I carried that internal anger with me for 42 years...and when it did surface I was not aware that the reason was because of the adoption. I know I have written and written about patterns...but I am so aware of them NOW...I wish in some ways I had always been aware of them...
I am trying to figure out a way to help others in their struggle to find their gratitude for the role they played in the adoption triad...(instead of holding so tightly onto the guilt and the anger of it) I know that we can make a powerful difference in the world if we foster a deep gratitude in our hearts. Gratitude is a powerful tool that can transform our lives...when we focus our thoughts on gratitude we feel energized and motivated to make a difference. I am feeling that is where I am in the present time. I want to reach out to others in an effort to touch their lives in the same positive ways that I have been touched...
I am not sure how to do that yet...but I feel in my heart that by creating a powerful cycle of love and gratitude we will all benefit...and it helps us heal...We let go of the "anger" and we count our blessings from a different place...and by sharing that with others I might just create a positive difference in their lives....
I'm working on it!!
Take a moment and count your blessings today...
Sharing...and Growing...
My son has been sharing copies of older programs from TV that he particularly likes...Episodes of Quantum Leap and Deep Space 9. They each hold a similar message about patterns...I know I have written about this before but it is something that holds my attention.
Our experiences color everything. The events of the past can have a profound effect on how we see our lives now and what we choose to believe about our world. Our past experiences can also influence our emotional reactions and responses to what happens in the present. We each react to stimulus based on what we have learned in life. There is no right or wrong to it...it simply is a result of past experiences. At times once the strong feelings have passed sometimes we are surprised at our reaction to an event. Why did we react so strongly? And why when we face a similar situation again is our reaction the same? And how do we change that reaction consciously?
For example: Whenever someone or something made me feel as if I was being "forced" into doing something I did not want to do...after 1969... I would come out with my fist raised defending my right to do what was best for me. This caused me great panic sometimes and depression.
Since uniting with my son I have been able to modify that...I can see this formerly unpleasant situation (the feeling that I was being "forced" into placing my son up for adoption) in a different light. I did help make that decision...and I do believe now it was the "right" decision in many ways. By letting go of this pattern of fighting for myself I have stopped reacting unconsciously. I am aware of the reason I felt this way...and now, I can respond with reactions that are in the present moment rather than the past. Those negative thoughts have lost there strength...and I now have much more healthy reactions to situations where I feel I must defend myself.
I am becoming healthy again...whole...and healing. Uniting with my son has done that...Would I have somehow come to the conclusion that the past was holding me back? Perhaps...but I will never know that ...
What I do know is that today my thoughts don't go backward to the past as often and I feel my world expanding and that is stimulating growth and change from the inside out!
Our experiences color everything. The events of the past can have a profound effect on how we see our lives now and what we choose to believe about our world. Our past experiences can also influence our emotional reactions and responses to what happens in the present. We each react to stimulus based on what we have learned in life. There is no right or wrong to it...it simply is a result of past experiences. At times once the strong feelings have passed sometimes we are surprised at our reaction to an event. Why did we react so strongly? And why when we face a similar situation again is our reaction the same? And how do we change that reaction consciously?
For example: Whenever someone or something made me feel as if I was being "forced" into doing something I did not want to do...after 1969... I would come out with my fist raised defending my right to do what was best for me. This caused me great panic sometimes and depression.
Since uniting with my son I have been able to modify that...I can see this formerly unpleasant situation (the feeling that I was being "forced" into placing my son up for adoption) in a different light. I did help make that decision...and I do believe now it was the "right" decision in many ways. By letting go of this pattern of fighting for myself I have stopped reacting unconsciously. I am aware of the reason I felt this way...and now, I can respond with reactions that are in the present moment rather than the past. Those negative thoughts have lost there strength...and I now have much more healthy reactions to situations where I feel I must defend myself.
I am becoming healthy again...whole...and healing. Uniting with my son has done that...Would I have somehow come to the conclusion that the past was holding me back? Perhaps...but I will never know that ...
What I do know is that today my thoughts don't go backward to the past as often and I feel my world expanding and that is stimulating growth and change from the inside out!
Happy to be part of the family...
I talked with my daughter-in-law the other day...she was feeling a bit sad as she watches her children grow up and start to move forward...And I felt for her...I remember that feeling of seeing my children growing for the first real time (and I carried that feeling with me for the 43 years before uniting with Gerard)...it isn't like a birthday where you celebrate the fact that they are another year older...rather it is a day when you see a little into the future and how they are preparing for a life of their own.
No one warns you as a Mother how you will feel when that day comes...but it is a sadness of sorts that washes over you and you know that your place in their life is also changing. And you have to begin to let go a little so that they can fly...
I sent her flowers...the card simply read YOUR THE BEST! Because she is! And I wanted her to know that...
And it made me aware of how very HAPPY I am to be part of this family...I wrote my son and let him know that...In return I got a message saying..."You have been since I was born. And I'm glad too."
I think it is important to let those you love know that they are important in your life. With Gerard and family because they do not live close I cannot invite them to dinner or run over and offer a hug when one is needed or I need one...So I have to do that with words...It is unconditional love...
Our family and our friends are our anchors...they accept us just the way we are and they are there to help us when we need them...it is a cocoon that gives us a feeling of belonging and a sense of place. But all to often these anchors are the ones we forget to acknowledge because they are our safe haven...perhaps in some ways we take them for granted...knowing that they will always be there for us...
what I find is that when I share those feelings my love expands...and it strengthens and nourishes the bonds that are already there...It is these simple moments of love...simply stated straight from the heart that strike me right to the core...
I love and I am loved...
It just doesn't get better than that!
No one warns you as a Mother how you will feel when that day comes...but it is a sadness of sorts that washes over you and you know that your place in their life is also changing. And you have to begin to let go a little so that they can fly...
I sent her flowers...the card simply read YOUR THE BEST! Because she is! And I wanted her to know that...
And it made me aware of how very HAPPY I am to be part of this family...I wrote my son and let him know that...In return I got a message saying..."You have been since I was born. And I'm glad too."
I think it is important to let those you love know that they are important in your life. With Gerard and family because they do not live close I cannot invite them to dinner or run over and offer a hug when one is needed or I need one...So I have to do that with words...It is unconditional love...
Our family and our friends are our anchors...they accept us just the way we are and they are there to help us when we need them...it is a cocoon that gives us a feeling of belonging and a sense of place. But all to often these anchors are the ones we forget to acknowledge because they are our safe haven...perhaps in some ways we take them for granted...knowing that they will always be there for us...
what I find is that when I share those feelings my love expands...and it strengthens and nourishes the bonds that are already there...It is these simple moments of love...simply stated straight from the heart that strike me right to the core...
I love and I am loved...
It just doesn't get better than that!
Patterns...
One of the gifts my son sent me for my Birthday, was the last episode of Quantum Leap...when he came to visit we had talked about this program and how much we really liked it. Mostly because it had to do with time travel and we tend to both like that subject....
A line in the program is " I've been there too many times"...and it brought to mind patterns that we repeat over and over again in our lives...some are good patterns...and some well, not so good! I am currently going through and reading old journals that I have kept over the past 12 years as I am preparing to write an E course on journaling. And I have found that the subject of repeating patterns comes up over and over again for me....
UNTIL 2012 when my life shifted...
I can honestly say that uniting with my son has changed my life...(I hope it has changed his in some ways too) having him in my life instead of a dream of him...having a connection with him and his family instead of hoping that would happen one day...finally being able to hold him in my arms instead of emptiness...has allowed me to change many of the patterns I have carried with me through out my adult years since 1969...
There are patterns that I have been able to let go of...patterns that served me no purpose other than to hold me down...or hold me back. I have consciously been on a quest to get to know myself better for the past 12 years...I have been journaling from my soul in order to better understand who I am from the inside out...I can truly say that in the past 1 3/4 years since uniting with my son I have learned more about myself in that short period of time...I have grown...I understand more about myself...I have stopped struggling with problems and lessons over and over again...lets say I have had a great many AH-HA moments...
Life is continuously moving...evolving...There are always new experiences...new possibilities...new growth...and we tend to experience pain by holding on to things that are not solid...they are illusions from the past that we must let go of....and when we finally allow that....AHHHHHHHHHH...Life can become that much more joyful...
Learning to let go...learning to be open to the flow and be present...learning to trust...
My son, has done so much for me!
A line in the program is " I've been there too many times"...and it brought to mind patterns that we repeat over and over again in our lives...some are good patterns...and some well, not so good! I am currently going through and reading old journals that I have kept over the past 12 years as I am preparing to write an E course on journaling. And I have found that the subject of repeating patterns comes up over and over again for me....
UNTIL 2012 when my life shifted...
I can honestly say that uniting with my son has changed my life...(I hope it has changed his in some ways too) having him in my life instead of a dream of him...having a connection with him and his family instead of hoping that would happen one day...finally being able to hold him in my arms instead of emptiness...has allowed me to change many of the patterns I have carried with me through out my adult years since 1969...
There are patterns that I have been able to let go of...patterns that served me no purpose other than to hold me down...or hold me back. I have consciously been on a quest to get to know myself better for the past 12 years...I have been journaling from my soul in order to better understand who I am from the inside out...I can truly say that in the past 1 3/4 years since uniting with my son I have learned more about myself in that short period of time...I have grown...I understand more about myself...I have stopped struggling with problems and lessons over and over again...lets say I have had a great many AH-HA moments...
Life is continuously moving...evolving...There are always new experiences...new possibilities...new growth...and we tend to experience pain by holding on to things that are not solid...they are illusions from the past that we must let go of....and when we finally allow that....AHHHHHHHHHH...Life can become that much more joyful...
Learning to let go...learning to be open to the flow and be present...learning to trust...
My son, has done so much for me!
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