Sharing...and Growing...

My son has been sharing copies of older programs from TV that he particularly likes...Episodes of Quantum Leap and Deep Space 9. They each hold a similar message about patterns...I know I have written about this before but it is something that holds my attention.

Our experiences color everything. The events of the past can have a profound effect on how we see our lives now and what we choose to believe about our world. Our past experiences can also influence our emotional reactions and responses to what happens in the present. We each react to stimulus based on what we have learned in life. There is no right or wrong to it...it simply is a result of past experiences. At times once the strong feelings have passed sometimes we are surprised at our reaction to an event. Why did we react so strongly? And why when we face a similar situation again is our reaction the same? And how do we change that reaction consciously?

For example: Whenever someone or something made me feel as if I was being "forced" into doing something I did not want to do...after 1969... I would come out with my fist raised defending my right to do what was best for me. This caused me great panic sometimes and depression.

Since uniting with my son I have been able to modify that...I can see this formerly unpleasant situation (the feeling that I was being "forced" into placing my son up for adoption) in a different light. I did help make that decision...and I do believe now it was the "right" decision in many ways.  By letting go of this pattern of fighting for myself I have stopped reacting unconsciously. I am aware of the reason I felt this way...and now, I can respond with reactions that are in the present moment rather than the past. Those negative thoughts have lost there strength...and I now have much more healthy reactions to situations where I feel I must defend myself.

I am becoming healthy again...whole...and healing. Uniting with  my son has done that...Would I have somehow come to the conclusion that the past was holding me back? Perhaps...but I will never know that ...

What I do know is that today my thoughts don't go backward to the past as often and I feel my world expanding and that is stimulating growth and change from the inside out!